part 325.1 of a novel: front door

The front door laughed. I told it I did not appreciate its mockery. My neighbor opened their door and asked if I would be quiet. I told them this matter didn’t concern them. My neighbor’s dog barked at me. My neighbor encouraged the dog to bark more. I went to grab the dog and kick it on one of the roofs across the street, but the door ran away. It ran into my neighbor’s apartment and barked. The front door laughed. I did not appreciate this. I drew a Hitler mustache and a very small penis on the door. The small penis was microscopic and was meant to be demeaning. The door did not appreciate this and said things about me and my character. It was clear it did not respect me. I thought, “Oh well.” I do not care much for respect. The door called my dentist and the next time I went in to get my teeth checked the dentist shook his head at me and said, “I heard about the small penis and the Hitler mustache.” I left without getting a checkup. I did not feel comfortable with this man’s hands in my mouth.